I NEVER PLANNED TO join the Search for The Outstanding Students of AUF. If I won, I could have been like Zhang Ziyi in Memoirs of Geisha – everything was only fortuitous and I will get the heart of the panel by my charisma. If I lost, I could have been like Gong Li in the same movie – someone dethroned despite all approbations…
I’ve been thinking about this ever since I entered TOS. And I was bamboozled… Who among these characters will I play?
My colleagues in the Pioneer gave me their support. As well as almost everyone else like my co-contestants in TOS (of different category, of course), my professors, our mentors and so and so…
I confess that I might have been used as a sort of an instrument to defeat someone whom people think as contemptible. That’s what I suppose because of all the encouragement I received!
There is something uncanny, I thought.
Something isn’t actually normal...
Charles, my Korean classmate, then told me, “They are using you as an instrument?” And then he chortled…
Because of that, I was thinking that it would be iniquitous to Edwin because he really deserves the award if we would measure up to the number of certificates and international organizations and affiliations we both have. After all, it’s what counts the most. (Edwin is a member to multitudinous organizations and that’s amazing; it will give him the most assurance of winning… just disregard his poor grammar.)
Tim, on the other hand, even told me that the award will surely be maneuvered. (He was telling that I will surely win the search because the admin doesn’t like Edwin.) Having heard what he mentioned, I confess I prayed: I wish Tim is correct.
This morning, I received a text message from the OSAFA (the office that manages the TOS screening). We (all finalists) were instructed to report to the office to find out something that we’ve all been waiting for – the moment of truth.
Being tense about the results, I sent Edwin a text message. I said “Advanced Congratulations!” (Well, I was feignedly expecting he would win because he’s a good interviewee and because of his oodles of citations.)
Then, he replied, “Ngek, di naman nila inexplain. Tsaka helo, wala na value ang award na un kung validation lang sa galing! :)”
I was bewildered to his message and thought that he’s having cognitive dissonance. Perhaps, he knew he’d been defeated. I expected that Tim was right and then I felt enthusiasm. I imagined my self walking on the stage to receive the certificate of recognition.
Conversely, I drew back to reality and thought that I shouldn’t expect anything because I landed journalism by accident. Even though I was wishing to get the award for some rationales, which are not actually for the validation of my skills, I told my self, “Stop expecting!” After all, I knew from the start that my focus is on grammar correctness and creative feature writing. (All my awards are related to feature writing. It's all feature writing and my skills are bound only in feature and creative writing!)
Then so I did impede expecting.
When I met April, I prattled to her regarding what Edwin said. April’s statement brought me back to reality. She said, “Baka pa-humble lang siya…”
(I thought that being humble means you’ve finally got something you’ve been wishing for…)
So, I rushed to the OSAFA after my class. Ma’am Gwen, the OSAFA Director, told me that I actually did very well in the external interview (just like what I thought) but my port folio-documents had sort of flunked my chances.
She gave me a letter, and then I read it. It’s diminutively lengthy but the thought that’s written meant like this: Thank you for participating in the Search for The Outstanding Student. We appreciate your effort then so you will be given a certificate of appreciation on February 27, 2009 as one of the TOS finalists.
I ended up as a finalist.
Now, I know. I am playing the role of Gong Li after all....
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