Reborn

ONE MORNING, I’VE REALIZED the course of my previous undertakings...

Abruptly, I’ve been learning to love Him more than I could have ever imagined because for others, I am a blessing...

Slowly, the Lord God shall change me just as how He suddenly touched my heart to conjecture about the real purpose of my living....

Letter to my young preacher…

Dear preacher,

I WOULD LIKE TO express my sincere apology for my behavior last night. I’ve been very stubborn, rude and spoiled. Concurrently, I’ve just been honest to you.

I know you were trying your hardest to convince me that my self-centered self-healing won’t work. I know you want me to be close to your God just like the way you are. I know you want me to read “our book” – to run the race to the end. I know you’re so much sincere and persevered to set me from my depression, to cast all my fears, surrender my reservations to the Lord and trust only in Him.

The trauma I’m facing…

"THIS TRAUMA I’M FACING isn't easy. And God weeps that it hurts me so; but it's allowed to shape my heart, so that in His likeness I would grow..."

Two are better off than one…

"TWO ARE BETTER OFF than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him... Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break." (Ecclesiastes 4:9) – The Purpose Driven Life

Stereotyped looks

ALONE, I WAS ABOUT to eat my lunch at the eatery located at the back of the Hotel New Arirang, the eventual campus of Pines International Academy, Clark. Yet before doing so, I paused in front of the huge golden mirror, hanged on the wall near the restrooms.

I saw two of my co-trainees passing by my back – Teacher Emerald and Teacher Jen. I tried to smile at them; yet I noticed they are prolifically talking. I also conjectured, perhaps, they are going to that eatery. So I just let them go there first because I’m used to being alone.

The day typhoon Emong’s coming

“THIS EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN HAS no solution, I suppose. I’ll never get over it unless I wake up one day feeling very tired,” I said.

“Just pray. God looks at the heart,” he said.

“I believe in Him – he has been blessing me,” I answered.

“Call upon His name Jesus,” he replied.

I’m afraid of liars…

IT’S DIFFICULT TO TRUST. It’s hard to speculate about the truth with no assurance. It hurts to find out that the person whom I trust the most is not worth it…

Oftentimes, when people lie to us, it’s annoying that we want to kill!

The public apology

SOMETIMES, I’M LIKE AN airplane – the journey towards your destination may not always be flowing smoothly. There may be some abrupt turbulence, causing you motion discomfort. Or perhaps, as I’ve mentioned in a text message, I may be a shopping mall under construction – there may be some inconvenient areas…

No matter which analogy you prefer more, there’s only one truth behind them: you would have to bear with me because I’m not perfect.

The legendary LD

LAWDENMARC Y. DECAMORA WAS a former senior editor of mine. There were two of them actually – He is with Melford Cunanan.

I recall LD always uses profound thoughts in writing. At first, I thought he is just fond of highfaluting words until I’ve realized that even owning my handy dictionary will not suffice for me to parallel his style – his thoughts are very profound; not just from the usage of ostentatious English words but from the mere thoughts themselves.

Now, he is already a Law student in The University of Santo Tomas in Manila. Perhaps, he has a very hectic schedule in studying that’s why he texts very seldom.
The most recent message, which he sent me, was this:

The fright from feeling better

I’M FEELING BETTER TODAY. Yet, I’m so afraid… afraid that the reason of this temporary improvement in my emotion is brought by the same reason, which breaks my sentiments into shattered glasses…

The probable rationale behind my depression

“MY EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN, I suppose, is not rooted from an unanswered wish – the lord is blessing me, I believe… Perhaps, only perhaps, one day, I’ll realize that my emotional breakdown comes from the mystery that people have their next life. If there’s a next life, there’s a second chance… But in Christianity, that thought is extremely falsified!”

The daggers in the mannequin’s chest

BEFORE, I’M LIKE A mannequin – I walk with no tiredness, my emotions are stiff, my sentiments are as hard as marble. My eyes are blunt; my heart feels no beating except the rhythmic pattern of breathing for the sake of existing. These are the days when people used to reckon me as a Superhuman…

Those days are gone, I presume. Yet, this has nothing to do with my bad experiences, which I wrote in my article “Vomiting”; it’s different.